Tag: Marriage
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Four Drivers
In the book, The Coaching Habit, author, Michael B. Stanier outlines four drivers. He states, there are four drivers that your brain uses to determine relationship involvement and teamwork. (I’m borrowing his four drivers to discuss marriage.) T – Tribe E – Expectations R – Rank A – Autonomy (I’m going to be using my…
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Don’t Be A Burden
Here is ONE, big reason a husband might not make an emotional connection to his wife. “I do not want to burden her.” This statement includes a thought and a belief for emotional survival. Where does this thought originate? Part One Growing up, Mom’s life was hard. Mom and dad fought. I saw mom grieve,…
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It’s an Odd Thing
It’s an odd thing! Have you noticed how two opposite people always seem to get married? You have one interested, motivated, emotional-connector. And, that person marries a disinterested, unmotivated, emotional-disconnector. It all starts fine. But several years into the relationship the emotional-connector starts to wonder, “Why is this relationship still so shallow?” It’s usually the…
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Vulnerability builds Trust
Patrick Lencioni, best-selling author and speaker, made this statement. “Vulnerability builds trust.” I’d like to expand on his statement. In marriage, if a husband opens up and is vulnerable. (by expressing a flaw.) And, if his wife responds with kindness, mercy and acceptance. Then, a foundation of trust starts to develop. (The opposite is also…
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Three areas of Life
Chad Warner, addiction counselor, was speaking recently. He said, “You must work on three areas of your life. The three areas include; Spiritual Care, Self Care, and Marital Care.” Here’s my take on those three areas. Spiritual Care We are spiritual beings. We need a spiritual program. That program must explain life, death, purpose and…
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Different Kind of Damaged Wife
A husband once said, “Can I get a different kind of damaged wife? This relationship is too hard! Can I get an easier assignment? This one is above my pay grade.” We both laughed. I’m sure every husband (and wife) has had that thought at least once in their married lifetime. Why is marriage so…
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I Feel used and Abused
“Please comfort me.” She said. “I feel used and abused by others. Work. Traffic. Aging. Please comfort me.” She is asking her husband to use his soothing skills. (Here are some examples of soothing) -Use your words- “I’m sorry you are going through that.” -Use your touch….. Reach for her and stroke her. -Use your…
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Why Must I Change?
After 25 years of marriage a husband made these comments. I have been the same for the last 50 years. I learned to live independent during a hard childhood. The way I have acted has helped me survive my childhood, difficult teenage years, and military service. Being strong and private has served me well. Why…
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Married and Disconnected
WHY WOULD ANYONE LIVE DISCONNECTED IN A GOOD MARRIAGE? Everyone wants more love! If, you were made by love and for love why would you live disconnected? Here is a list of reasons why a spouse, living in a good marriage, would still live disconnected. THE EARLY YEARS -Your parents were poorly attached to each…
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50% Connected?
Are you 50% connected to your spouse? Are you 100% emotionally connected? Or, are you somewhere in between? HERE IS THE CRITERIA FOR MAKING A 50% EMOTIONAL CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE. 1 . Have a wedding ceremony. 2 . Hold a title. e.g., Husband or Wife 3 . Work outside the home as a provider.…
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Sharing Deep Dialogue
Great relationships are the result of two individuals sharing, deep dialogue. Here are some deep, dialogue, starter statements. ABOUT self- -Something good that happened today is…. -Today, I am grateful for…. -I am hopeful when…. -It makes me happy when….. -A dream I have is…. ABOUT God- -God has blessed me…. -I saw God at…
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Simple or Deep Change
Simple change or Deep change? I spoke to a guy once, he’d been in counseling for one month. He was bragging. “Everything is fixed. We are all better. All is so good. We fixed our marriage!” So, I asked. What did you change? His response, “Nothing! I just stopped arguing. I’m keeping more stuff to…