Thoughts

I have been walking and talking to God more and more. I am tired of carrying around old, heavy fears. My fears are slowly getting lighter. Most of my life I have feared three things: If any of those happened it would mean I had no value. Oh, and I have feared your condemnation of…

I’ve always wanted to be at the center of an important group. (I just knew that would make me feel special.) But, mostly I found myself on the outer, edges looking in. I’ve always wanted to be a stand-out in something. But, I’m just average in most areas. And, sometimes below average. I’ve wanted to…

Currently, you have a well established Negative-Head-Place. That Negative-Head-Place holds all your painful, failure memories. Which include mistakes, shame, regret, disappointments, hurt, and losses. What About creating a Positive-Head-Place? It’s a place where you keep a stockpile of positive memories? Capture, even the smallest moments of love and joy. Let your mind drift back and…

I have never trusted anyone. I could not trust my parents with my feelings and emotions. And, friends caused me more pain and hurt. So, I decided. I would keep myself safe. I buried my emotions deep, inside. I trusted no one. I was desperate to feel loved and find emotional safety. Nothing brought me…

One of the guys made this life changing statement. “I have started to implement a new strategy. I’m starting to press into my old feelings. In the past I would run from those ugly, haunting feelings. Not any more!” Wow! His old program was to feel fear. Run away. Escape into a fantasy. And, stay…

Husband “I don’t want to talk to my wife because sometimes it’s not safe.” Wife “When my husband doesn’t talk to me I don’t feel safe.” Husband “I think like a man. Act like a man. And, feel a lot less emotional than my wife.” Wife “I like emotions and emotional language. When I express…

A friend asked, What’s wrong with me? I am part of a marriage and a family, yet, I feel so isolated. Here are some of my immediate thoughts. Good news! That old, growing-up, difficult situation, that started you isolating, ended long ago. You are now free to start a new program. God is giving you…

There are two types of people: Connectors and Disconnects. Emotional CONNECTORS love to talk, explore ideas, share insights, discuss relationships, and express feelings. Talking makes them feel relaxed and safe. It also makes them feel known and loved. Talking and being known are very important to connectors. Emotional DISCONNECTORS enjoy privacy. Growing up, no one…

What is one of the most important questions to ask when you are starting a new relationship? Here it is! Did you come from a family that interacted and connected? Talked. Expressed. Shared. Explored. And, supported each other. Or, did you come from a family of disconnectors? Light talking. Little expressing. Avoiding. Shallow sharing. And,…

Today, my husband let me tell a story from the beginning all the way to the end. And, he did not interrupt me. We’ve been married 25 years. This is the first time it’s ever happened. Being “heard” feels so wonderful. Actually, I’m feeling a little giddy. This means there is still hope. I’ve always…

These comments were made by different men. They are all husbands. When expressed together they help understand the topic of emotional disconnection. Husband #1I know, I am the problem in our marriage. Husband #2I’ve just learned and am admitting this for the first time. I have been a shallow man my whole life. Husband #3Not…

Does God want “ME”? Or, does he want me only if I change and become someone else? I’ve heard: I’ve read and heard these things all my life. It sounds like God doesn’t want “ME”. He just wants to look down and see millions of Jesus-look-a-likes walking around. “Be Jesus or be a loser!” The…