I was never loved well.

I’ve been looking for more love since childhood. Since it never came, I concluded that I must not be good enough.

Believing you are not good enough is incredibly painful. To survive, I needed to deny and avoid that thought.

I needed more love.

When I couldn’t find it, I settled for second best: fantasy thinking, pleasure seeking, living divided, and image building.

I lived half of my life in fantasy stories where I was loved. Those fantasies helped soothe some of the ache.

Today, I am a 40-year-old adolescent-adult.

I look back with great sadness. I am emotionally stunted. My greatest skills include fantasy thinking and escaping behaviors.

Conclusion

I have been stuck coping and surviving.
I have not been living.
I do not know how to rest, grieve, slow down, or be kind to myself.

Prayer

Father, please heal the place in me that still believes I am not good enough. Teach me to rest in You and with You. Help me with my fear. Amen.

Scripture

“Now it’s time to enjoy the new life that blossoms inside you when you are joined with the Anointed One! Your new life is empowered by your union with him!”  Col. 3:3–4 TPT-excerpt