In the book, The Coaching Habit, author, Michael B. Stanier outlines four drivers.
He states, there are four drivers that your brain uses to determine relationship involvement and teamwork. (I’m borrowing his four drivers to discuss marriage.)
T – Tribe
E – Expectations
R – Rank
A – Autonomy
(I’m going to be using my own descriptions to express these categories.)
TRIBE- Are you my tribe? Are you my people? Do you get me? Do you understand my thinking? Are you for me? And, is your thinking close to mine?
EXPECTATIONS- Can we work on goals together? Will we make a great team? Can we plan and work side by side, towards a wonderful future?
RANK – Are you more important than I am? Am I more important than you? Or, are we equally respected? Is power shared between two adults? Are we both invested in decision-making and power sharing?
AUTONOMY- Is there room in this relationship for two unique and different opinions? Can we be a team and both be our own separate person? Can we be different and still function as one team?
Wow! Those are great questions.
But, when you think about marriage most of us used a much simpler, four-step process.
1. You are pretty!
2. I like you!
3. We have fun!
4. Let’s get married!
The bible talks about oneness. It describes Father, Son and Holy Spirit as being one. Remember, the goal for any marriage is oneness. God, please bless us all.
Note- Alignment in the four areas above just makes marriage easier.