On Saturday, I concluded a forty-hour Emotionally Focused Training seminar. The focus was on helping couples connect. It was intensive and spread over four weekends. This seminar was an exhausting, life changing experience.

Never have I felt so much sadness. We were told to think of a story in which we were being neglected. Then we were told to really feel the sadness, stay with the sadness, and feel alone. Feel worthless. Just sit in it. Go slow. Feel. Don’t run away. Sit with the feelings of sadness and unworthiness.

During the training an unexpected breakthrough occurred. I’m not sure exactly how to describe it. But it’s almost like a new room opened up in my heart. Meaning new space appeared. Growth happened. A release was experienced. I don’t exactly know the meaning of this new opening. Perhaps as in the movie Grinch, “his heart grew three sizes that day.” Or maybe the sadness of being unwanted or unworthy shrank three sizes. In the days ahead I will continue to explore the deeper meaning.

To the trainers, I say thank you for helping me feel my own fears. Even though it felt more like you kept leading me into my deepest fear and sadness. And when I tried to run away, you lovingly forced me to turn around and face it.

As I write this, I see that my old, childhood, sad place is not that scary. I recently spent some time just remembering. Today I see that place very differently. It’s just an inner storage unit. And it stores old memories, painful stories, and fears from my childhood. It’s a museum-storage unit.

Jesus said, “You shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.” I wonder if that is part of what he meant.

Prayer

Abba, Jesus, and Holy Spirit, thank you. I felt your presence at the training seminar. You loved on me when I was scared. You journeyed with me into the past. You joined me deep in my soul. Thank you for your support. And thank you for inviting me to join the team. Amen.

Bible Connection

And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free. – John 8:32 (KJV)