Here is ONE, big reason a husband might not make an emotional connection to his wife.
“I do not want to burden her.”
This statement includes a thought and a belief for emotional survival. Where does this thought originate?
Growing up, Mom’s life was hard.
Mom and dad fought. I saw mom grieve, struggle, and cry. My mom was very important to me. She leaned towards me for a little comfort.
And, I desperately needed her for comfort. Mom’s well being was directly connected to my survival.
So, I decided. I would not add any more burdens to mom’s life.
That young boy turns into a man. And, he marries. His wife struggles, grieves, and cries.
He’s well trained at keeping his emotions inside.
So, he grabs his survival tool. It’s a page from his childhood playbook.
“I do not want to burden my wife.”
He keeps his feelings to himself.
(And, remember he’s had 20 years of practice.) Now, he excels at burying his feelings.
Being emotionally underdeveloped, the best things he can do to be helpful are quick fixes, logical explanations, and simple solutions.
Here is the “SAD” truth: The boy solution (belief) is still stunting the grown man.
What’s the way forward?
Practice grieving. GRIEVE that the man is still using his boyhood solution. And, by doing so he’s stunting himself, his marriage, and so many other relationships.
God bless us as we move from boy program to man program. Amen