I like to see a person as a puzzle. All their pieces fitting together. That includes thoughts, language, and behaviors. Here are a few puzzle pieces and how I put them together.

Why does someone overuse anger? Probably because, as a son he was not heard. So, now he insists on himself and his pain being heard.

Why does someone worry excessively? Probably because growing up, life was unpredictable. And now he is always on guard, watching, looking, and unsettled.

Why is someone overly negative? Probably, because in his early years there were lots of things that went wrong. So now he points out what’s wrong, sees the worst, and anticipates bad happening.

Why does someone not engage in emotional talking? Probably because in the past, talking and being vulnerable was too dangerous. 
So today he stays safe by detaching from his own feelings and not engaging the feelings of others.

Why does someone overuse control? Probably because growing up his home was out of control. So now he uses controlling his environment to make himself feel safe.

Why does a person have low self esteem? Probably because in childhood he experienced lots of condemnation. So now he carries an inner world full of unworthiness and condemnation.


Why does someone overuse logic? Probably because growing up, he concluded emotions were the cause of all the chaos in his home So now he feels safe in the world of strong clear logic.

These are not absolute, guaranteed connections. The point is to look for patterns as you study emotional life.


Prayer

Father, I want to be whole. I want my inside self and my outside self to work like one whole healthy individual. I know I have lived divided. I don’t want to live like a scared boy inside. And outwardly, I don’t want to be an adult trapped in self protection mode. Please bless me. Amen.

Bible Verse

When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me.

1 Corinthians 13:11 (NIV)