To hear you, I need to move past all the noise in my head. And that is no small task. I know you are trying to connect to me. But it’s a battle. I am super sensitive. If you use a negative tone, wince, grimace, or sigh, that tiny signal sets me off. If I sense any small amount of disapproval the noise gets set off. And the noise is distracting.

Here are the words that make up the noise:

• You’re angry.
• You’re mad at me.
• You don’t like me.
• I failed again.
• You think I’m a failure.
• I think I’m a failure.
• I try.
• But it seems like you keep moving the bar higher and higher.
• Why can’t I be good enough?
• Why can’t you just love me the way I am?
• Why do you keep trying to make me change?
• Do you want me to be just like you?
• I hate failing.
• I can’t please you.
• You don’t like me.
• I don’t like me.
• I wish I was more…

In case you were wondering. Why is it so difficult to make a connection with me. The answer is the above monologue. Please know I’m not fighting against you. I’m fighting against all the noise.

If I’m honest I never get close to anyone. My busy, noisy mind stops me. On some level I think it’s trying to protect me.

Prayer

Father, can you please help me? A failure monologue in my brain is hindering my growth. I want to keep growing. But it’s hard. I’ve repeated the same thoughts so long they have become a part of me. Holy Spirit, can you help me? Jesus, please help me with greater truth. Amen.

Bible

Stop imitating the ideals and opinions of the culture around you, but be inwardly transformed by the Holy Spirit through a total reformation of how you think. This will empower you to discern God‘s will as you live a beautiful life, satisfying, and perfect in his eyes. – Romans 12:2 TPT