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Equipping Christian Men for Richer Relationships

Why We Hate Failure

Inside almost every man is a wounded boy. Our individual fathers spoke to us growing up, often with comments showing their disappointments.

  • Why didn’t you do what I told you?
  • When are you gonna learn?
  • You are such a screw up?
  • How are you ever going to make it in life?
  • Add to that the many others who harshly judged us in our youth.

Adult men hate failure. It’s because failure triggers an emotional storm. That storm is a collection of hundreds of painful failure memories.

Researchers use two terms when discussing this emotional storm of failure. They are regulation and dysregulation.

A friend recently said to me, “My wife was so upset with me that I started to dysregulate.” When you are regulated, you’re in a calm, restful state. But what should you do when you get triggered and start to dysregulate?

Steps to take when you get triggered:

  • Tell yourself, “I am starting to dysregulate!”
  • Next take several slow, deep, cleansing breaths.
  • Ask God to give you wisdom
  • Start an internal dialogue.
    • “I just got triggered. I hate failing. I’m flooding with failure. But, I’m not going to die.”
  • Keep repeating one word. Example- Hold! Hold! Hold!
  • Ask God this question. “Am I a failure to you?
  • Be creative and do other self soothing activities.

Close

Practice the above skills until you return to restful, emotional, self-regulation.

Prayer

Father, I really need your presence when I get triggered. I hate failing. It messes me all up. Thank you that you never call me a failure, loser, or other demeaning words. I love being in your restful presence. Amen.

Bible

The apostle Paul said,
“I discipline my body like an athlete, training it to do what it should do. Otherwise, I fear that after preaching to others, I myself might be disqualified.” – 1 Corinthians 9:27 (NLT)

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Posted on

January 20, 2025

by

Stephen Cervantes

  • DRM-Knight: Doctor Marriage | All Rights Reserved
  • francisco-de-legarreta-c-hHg9MC-G8_Y-unsplash: Francisco De Legarreta C. | Unsplash License

1 Corinthians 9:27, 241206, Day 11, Dysregulation, Self-Regulation
Doctor Marriage

© 2025, Doctor Marriage, inc.

Created by Greater Lessons

All content copyright © 2025, Doctor Marriage, inc. unless otherwise specified, or included as fair use. No content on this website is intended to treat or diagnose any mental health issues. The content on this website is intended for educational purposes only.

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