Inside almost every man is a wounded boy. Our individual fathers spoke to us growing up, often with comments showing their disappointments.

• Why didn’t you do what I told you?
• When are you gonna learn?
• You are such a screw up?
• How are you ever going to make it in life?
• Add to that the many others who harshly judged us in our youth.

Adult men hate failure. It’s because failure triggers an emotional storm. That storm is a collection of hundreds of painful failure memories.

Researchers use two terms when discussing this emotional storm of failure. They are regulation and dysregulation.

A friend recently said to me, “My wife was so upset with me that I started to dysregulate.” When you are regulated, you’re in a calm, restful state. But what should you do when you get triggered and start to dysregulate?

Steps to take when you get triggered:

• Tell yourself, “I am starting to dysregulate!”
• Next take several slow, deep, cleansing breaths.
• Ask God to give you wisdom
• Start an internal dialogue.
  • “I just got triggered. I hate failing. I’m flooding with failure. But, I’m not going to die.”
• Keep repeating one word. Example- Hold! Hold! Hold!
• Ask God this question. “Am I a failure to you?
• Be creative and do other self soothing activities.

Close

Practice the above skills until you return to restful, emotional, self-regulation.

Prayer

Father, I really need your presence when I get triggered. I hate failing. It messes me all up. Thank you that you never call me a failure, loser, or other demeaning words. I love being in your restful presence. Amen.

Bible

The apostle Paul said,
“I discipline my body like an athlete, training it to do what it should do. Otherwise, I fear that after preaching to others, I myself might be disqualified.” – 1 Corinthians 9:27 (NLT)