Recently, I’ve been asking, why is it so hard to express myself?
MY GROWING UP YEARS
Growing up, we were not an emotional family.
As children we knew to never express emotions.
Emotional words were only used to call you names. And, after the name calling, family members were encouraged to laugh at you.
There was one exception. Anger was the only acceptable emotion. Even, today as a husband, father and grandfather everyone knows not to make me mad.
THE INNER BATTLE
I’m close to no one. Expressing my emotions is scary. I carry a difficult, inner battle. It’s this.
“I want to express myself. But, I don’t want to feel vulnerable, weak or exposed.”
So, do I risk and try vulnerability? Or, do I continue to hide and die unknown?
MAKING THE CHANGE
Changing a life long belief is not easy.
To change I would have to express myself like a 6th grade student. I would not be good at it. And, I know I’ll do it very poorly at first.
Will others laugh at me? I hate being weak and failing.
Truly I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a child will not enter it at all.Mark 10:15
Unless you change and become like little children (open and vulnerable) you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.
Father, please renew my heart. Make it work like yours. Amen.