Doctors Marriage blogs a lot about the concept of the emotional system. Why? Because everyone runs an emotional system. That system includes beliefs, life roles, hurts, fears, and more.

Often the system is at rest. But what sets off the emotional system? And what causes one to respond poorly and have an emotional eruption?

If you trace an emotional outburst backwards you will often find some fear. But what kind of fear? What fear shakes an individual in the deepest part of their soul?

Are you ready for the answer? Here it is.

It’s the fear of failure and rejection.

If you think about it fear of failure and and the need for acceptance drives:

• Controllers to control.
• Perfectionist to be perfect.
• Pleasers to please.
• Caretakers to caretake.
• Fixers to fix.
• And Funny guys to make you laugh.

I hope you can see the pattern. Everyone hates relationship disappointments. They lead you to feeling rejected, excluded, and left out. Failing and rejection is so painful we play roles, get angry, and use substances for relief.

The truth is we are made for love, by love, and to love. Love is wonderful. Love ushers our souls into peace, rest, and joy.

The Root

We hate failing and being rejected and we love, love, love being loved.

Homework

Watch your stressed out relationship behaviors in the next few days. Ask yourself, am I acting this way because of fear rising up? And is it the fear of failure?

Prayer

Father, can you please give me wisdom? I want to learn about any unhealthy fear that lives in my body. Help me run an emotional system in harmony with your greater spiritual system. I want to bring my life and fears into submission. Please give me wisdom to see and a heart for you. Amen.

Bible Connection

And if anyone longs to be wise, ask God for wisdom and he will give it! He won’t see your lack of wisdom as an opportunity to scold you over your failures, but he will overwhelm your failures with his generous grace. – James 1:5 (Passion)