“You have been under-sad.”

Of all the emotions, sadness is a critical one. Sadness means the emotional system is turned on and working.

But what if you decided, when you were young, all emotions were overwhelming; the best solution was to just shut down. You’ve spent your whole life trying to hold a middle position, repeating “Just stay in the middle. Don’t be too happy, and don’t be too sad. Then you’ll be safe.”

What if growing up, your home was full of arguing, criticism, and harsh judgment. You might decide it’s better to just not feel. Then one day, a mentor says, “You’ve been under-sad your whole life.” Meaning, the emotion of sadness is turned off in you.

Without sadness, you can’t connect. And without connecting, your life will be unfulfilled. We are made to connect with God, self, and others.

Questions to ask.

• How well do you grieve with others?
• Does someone’s sadness scare you?
• Do you get anxious when a friend starts to sink into sadness?
• Can you dip down into sadness and then rise up again?

Although this is very odd wording, I think the mentor was inviting his friend into greater self-awareness when he said, “I think you’ve been under-sad your whole life.”

Prayer

Father, help me understand sadness. I know it’s a tool you gave me. Grieving is the skill of standing in emotional pain with a friend. It means staying with that friend and carrying part of his pain. Jesus experienced deep grief for me. Help me to use grief and sadness in a way that brings you glory and helps me connect. Amen.

Bible Connection

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. For as the sufferings of Christ abound in us, so our consolation also abounds through Christ. – 2 Corinthians 1:3-5 (NKJV)

The Lord is near the brokenhearted; he saves those crushed in spirit. – Psalm 34:18 (CSB)