Thoughts
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Sex is not Love.
A 38 year old husband made this comment. “I gained a new insight today. Sex is not love.” (Don’t you love it when a man has an “aha” moment.) This is both a wonderful moment of awakening and a terribly, sad moment. Wonderful. Because it opens up his thinking to a new, much larger definition…
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These are still True.
I experienced a huge life change once. It involved deep sadness, feelings of being lost, and lots of confusion. Everything had become disordered. How could I go forward? And, if forward, on what foundation? In a dark moment, the Holy Spirit whispered. These are still true. -God is God. -Truth is truth. -Right is right.…
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God View vs. Self View
What is your God view? And, what is your Self view? Many older Christians were taught this view: So, for a long time I loved God. And, was confused and just tolerated myself. I saw me as an inadequate, struggling Self. And, I thought God saw me as his sad, inadequate, struggling, under functioning follower.…
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Growth at 9 to 12 Months
Nine months into an emotional growth journey a man starts sharing these kinds of thoughts: …that, in reference to your former way of life, you are to rid yourselves of the old self, which is being corrupted in accordance with the lusts of deceit, and that you are to be renewed in the spirit of your minds, and to put on…
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Failure and Panic
Why do thoughts of failure cause panic? Here are some ideas on failure. Failure can be a small mistake that only you know about, or it can be a traumatic public event with devastating consequences. What if you have failed a thousand times before you turned 18? (Small failures and large ones.) And, as a…
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Fear Failure
A friend asked, “Why do I fear failure so much?” What a wonderful question. Here are three thoughts. 1 . The language of failure is painful and cuts deeply. “You are such a screw up!” “Loser!” “What’s wrong with you?” “Are you stupid?” 2 . In life you must answer a few, very basic questions.…
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Vulnerability builds Trust
Patrick Lencioni, best-selling author and speaker, made this statement. “Vulnerability builds trust.” I’d like to expand on his statement. In marriage, if a husband opens up and is vulnerable. (by expressing a flaw.) And, if his wife responds with kindness, mercy and acceptance. Then, a foundation of trust starts to develop. (The opposite is also…
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Three areas of Life
Chad Warner, addiction counselor, was speaking recently. He said, “You must work on three areas of your life. The three areas include; Spiritual Care, Self Care, and Marital Care.” Here’s my take on those three areas. Spiritual Care We are spiritual beings. We need a spiritual program. That program must explain life, death, purpose and…
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Different Kind of Damaged Wife
A husband once said, “Can I get a different kind of damaged wife? This relationship is too hard! Can I get an easier assignment? This one is above my pay grade.” We both laughed. I’m sure every husband (and wife) has had that thought at least once in their married lifetime. Why is marriage so…
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Why I ask you…
When I ask you, about you, you get mad. When I ask you how come you don’t exercise more? You get mad? When I ask you about your unhealthy eating habits. You get mad. When I ask, Did you get that chore done? You get mad. When I ask you, about your plan to save…
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The Problem today…
Building on yesterday’s thought.) Review The Son/Husband built an emotional system for his mother and is now using it on his wife. His Rule: Don’t burden mom or wife. Keep all negative emotions to yourself. The Problem Today If he shut down emotionally at age 8. And, he’s now 38. Then he’s 30 years behind…
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Growing up shaped you
What if a young, son saw his mother struggling? Maybe, dad worked a lot, traveled regularly, or just left the family. And, mom daily complained about her heavy, sad life and how she can’t get everything done. Her son hears her sadness and comes up with a plan. He decides not be a burden to…