I loved my dad. He passed away several years ago. My father was a very sacrificial, hard-working man. He loved God, church, and his family. But he was an emotionally disconnected husband and father. There were five children. Mom periodically let us all know that Dad was a private man, and kept things to himself.

My assumption is that mom and her daughter, the oldest child, had talks about dad being so private. My sister was 13 years old when she came up with a plan to confront dad. This is how I remember it.

We were all sitting around the dinner table. All seven of us were present. It began as a normal evening dinner. Our meals usually consisted of childhood chatter with mom. But not this evening.

Suddenly, my sister blurted out, “Dad, I want to know you!” The room fell silent. Dad, from the head of the table, looked up with a blank stare. He squinted in confusion, and then quietly continued eating.

My sister decided to up her plea. Next, she said in a sterner tone. “Dad, I want to know you!” Dad looked up, stared out the window past her, and then kept eating. He said nothing.

My sister gave it one more try. This time, she burst into tears. And, it was a loud, serious, outburst of pain. Then whimpering she said, “Dad I just want to know you.”

Mom and us four sons all sat stunned in silence. Dad was living emotionally disconnected. My sister was inviting our dad to emotionally join the family. No one dared speak. We all sat perfectly still and waited. My sister was a mess–crying, bawling, and asking her father a question.

For the most part, dad kept eating and focusing on his food. The question was hanging in the air and begging for an answer. It looked like dad was contemplating what to say. Then, with a tense look, he spoke.

“Well! If you don’t know me by now, I guess you never will.” Then he dropped his head and finished eating.

The rest of us ate as fast as we could, and then asked to be excused.

Summary

In life, you will be invited to tell stories about yourself. When did you succeed, and when did you fail? What scared you and how did you overcome it? How did you deal with being bullied, laughed-at, or mocked? When does your heart hurt?

The choice is yours to live open and connected, or live private, closed, and disconnected.

Prayer

Father, forgive me if in any way, I’ve disrespected my father. I honor my father. And I want to be honest about my father. He had tremendous strengths and one glaring weakness. I loved my father, and I know he loved me. He just couldn’t tell me. Thank you for sending Jesus and the Holy Spirit to tell me every day I’m loved. Amen.

Bible Connection

Fathers, do not exasperate (provoke, stir-up, irritate) your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord. – Ephesians 6:4 (NIV)