It’s wonderful to see a man having an emotional breakthrough. It’s a soul satisfying thrill when a brother has an ah ha moment. Especially when he gains insight into his own relationship pattern.
Here is an example of how it looks to recognize a pattern in yourself.
Part One
He says something like this:
- I’ve been paying attention to myself.
- I actually saw myself this weekend.
- I’m learning about my interactions with my wife.
Part Two
He reports:
- My wife verbally attacks me.
- She angrily points out one of my areas of weakness.
- I think she is trying to control me.
Part Three
He continues:
- It’s like a punch in my gut.
- My chest gets really tight.
- My body signals, “We are under attack.”
Part Four
I take action:
- I run away.
- I give her the silent treatment.
- I hide deep inside myself where she cannot reach me.
Part Five
The light bulb moment:
- I see it.
- That’s the pattern.
- It replays over and over.
Finally
I change:
- I start to run away but I stop and return.
- I tell my wife, “I feel attacked, but I will not run away. You are my friend. I want to change this pattern.”
This is a self-awareness breakthrough. For the first time he sees his pattern. If he sees it and owns it, he can change it.
Prayer
Father, thank you for helping me see my relationship interaction pattern. As I see it, I recognize it as a very old pattern. I hated being controlled as a child. Now, I interpret strongly expressed emotions as an attempt to control me. Father, I deeply fear being controlled. Can you help me? I submit control to you. Amen.
Bible Verse
For this people’s heart has become calloused; they hardly hear with their ears, and they have closed their eyes. Otherwise they might see with their eyes, hear with their ears, understand with their hearts and turn, and I would heal them.’ – Matthew 13:15 (NIV)