Here are four ingredients of growth and change.

Vision

A disconnected spouse will need a different vision. The vision must include moving from living detached to developing an emotional connection. A vision is a roadmap to a new destination. (From living detached to connecting)

Language

Use the language of change. The spouse who is interested in changing must start to use the language of change:

• I am starting to grow.
• I am moving forward.
• As I’m changing:
  • I am letting go of the past and learning.
  • Im moving from Plan A to Plan B.
• I’m not running away from conflict.

Action

Take small steps. Try some new things. Good relationships are built on lots of small connecting activities, followed by some failures, forgiveness, and continuing forward.

• Ask your wife for a list of 10 things that would make her feel connected to you.
• Use that list to take small steps and try new things.

Sustainment

Hold this new direction for 90 days. It takes a long time for a change to weave in and become the norm.

Prayer

Father, two becoming one was your idea. But I never had any good role models, so I learned to live emotionally detached. Now I am grown and still poor at attaching. Help me Father. Give me a new vision. Give me your vision and heart. Amen.

Bible Connection

If people can’t see what God is doing, they stumble all over themselves; But when they attend to what he reveals, they are most blessed. – Proverbs 29:18 (MSG)

But a natural man does not accept the depths of the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him, and he cannot understand them, because they are spiritually examined. – 1 Corinthians 2:14 (LSB)