Not everyone knows how to develop a great marriage. It takes lots of work for two to merge into one. Here are four scenarios that hinder a great relationship.

What if you were raised in a home full of conflict and yelling? There were daily arguments and threats. So you mostly stayed in your room or outside. You learned little about connecting and ultimately may have decided that connecting involved a lot of hurting each other.

What if you never saw much negotiating or bartering. And, you never saw your parents work like a team solving problems. You never observed give and take, compromise, or dialogue. So you decided it would be easier to live an individual, self-contained program.

What if you did’t know you were supposed to be self-aware. Growing up, no one shared ideas of growth and change. All you knew was life was hard. So, you developed a strategy that said, “Live in the moment. Survive the day. And, never look back.”

What if you’d never heard of an emotional growth mission, but instead, “People don’t change.” And everyone you knew mostly stay the same. So you never thought to explore your own struggles and work on emotional development as a life mission.

Any of these scenarios can lead to:

• Belief connecting with another person is painful.
• Lack of skill in negotiating, bartering, or compromising.
• Being stuck with an individual, self-contained program.
• Low self-awareness.
• Missing out on an emotional growth mission.

Note: This is an emotional discussion. Remember, there’s also a whole other spiritual perspective to life and change.

Why This Matters

This man will struggle in his marriage. You know men, or at least of men, who fit each of these scenarios. You can see how their thinking is limiting their growth. It takes a lot of outside help to overcome our past. Help begins with prayer.

Prayer

Father, life is hard individually and relationally. I need your help. You made me for growth, change, and oneness. You are in the transformation business and you love marriage. Help me. Comfort me. Give me eyes to see and ears to hear. Please guide me. Help me grow and help me grow a union that glorifies you. Amen.

Bible Connection

Love is large and incredibly patient. Love is a safe place of shelter, but it never stops believing the best for others. Love never takes failure as defeat for it never gives up. – 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 (Passion)