Okay, let’s get something straight. Your skills are based on the skill level of your trainers. You spent 18 years under your parents (your trainers). They showed you how to communicate, solve problems, and interact. If they were excellent communicators, problem solvers, and great relationship builders, then I’d say, “Good job on selecting outstanding parents!” However, most of us had young first-time on-the-job in-training parents. They were in young marriages, still growing up, and learning about each other.

What is the point? Those were your role models. You were raised by two different adults. They were trying to get in sync. It was two opposite people working as one team, on problems, changes, and emotional development. 

Many older parents stayed together but lived detached. Some children went through a divorce. Others were raised by a single parent. 

If you had parents who were poor at connecting, you may need to admit your poor training. Here is an admission for you to make to your spouse.

I was not trained well in these areas:

• Deep dialogue
• Emotional problem solving
• Staying connected under stress
• Helping someone struggling with deep emotional pain

If we work together, we can both learn. I need help, and I know you want a deeper relationship. I will not fight you. I am sorry for my past resistance. I want both of us to grow. Will you help me and I help you?

Prayer

Father, help me take leadership in this area. My pride whispers hide, pretend, and resist. My spirit says confess. I am confessing to you, myself, and my wife. Please accept this as my attempt to make my life a living offering to you. I want to grow in Christlikeness. We are yours. Please bless us. Amen.

Bible

A pupil is not above his teacher; but everyone, after he has been fully trained, will be like his teacher. – Luke 6:40 (NASB1995)