Connecting well is hard work. Many of us were poorly trained in connecting. It takes time, interest, and self control to connect well.

Here are some insights that might help in building a better connection. If you are a good connector this discussion will be a review.

No Jumping

• You must not jump to conclusions. Don’t jump ahead.
• Pace off of the speaker. Follow their lead.

No Fixing

• You must un-practice, giving advice.
• If you tell someone what to do, you make them feel like a child. Just let the speaker arrive at their own conclusion.

Stay Present

• Stay present. Press in. Listen to the words spoken.
• Engage with your eyes, body, and touch.

Don’t Play a Role

• Don’t play God. Don’t be Mr. Fix it.
• Don’t be the smart guy who says, “Just ask me a question, I have the answer.”
• It’s not about you.

Be Sad

• You must be sad at just the right time.
• Not too early, not too late, but at just the right moment. Join your spouse in their sadness.

Be Patient

• Give the speaker a few minutes. Let their story unravel. It will reveal struggles, questions, and insights.
• Patience is how you express your love.

Bible Connection

Paul said, “To the weak I became weak… I have become all things to all men so that by all possible means I might save some.”
He was speaking about the gospel.

See 1 Corinthians 9:22 (ESV)

Prayer

Father, help me be what my wife needs. Help me stay present, be patient, and not jump to fixing. In the spirit of what Paul said, let me be what she needs. Amen