Consider the letter below. Does this sound like you could have written it?
To anyone who can help me,
I am supposed to be the leader. But, I’m a mess. How can I lead anyone else? I can’t even lead myself. I hate it. I am divided. I put on a good outside show. But, inside I am an unhappy, divided man.
I don’t know what to do. So, I keep doing the same thing over and over. I know that’s insanity. But, it’s what I know. It doesn’t make sense to continue. But, it does make sense to do what you know. Even if it only half works.
I feel like a hypocrite. And, I can’t tell anyone. I’ve tried. All my friends have simple answers and cute sayings. The truth is, they also live divided lives.
I’ve developed an outside image that is very likable. Everyone thinks that’s the real me. I give people what they want. And, we all know everyone likes a funny, smart, interesting guy. So, that is who I’ve become. I became what you wanted.
Everything I became applies to the world outside my front door. Inside my home you get a peek at the real me. I isolate. I’m short tempered and shallow. I don’t want to have deep, meaningful conversations. First, I am not good at deep dialogue. Second, I have worked hard on my image. I have not worked hard on emotional growth.
Inside I feel like an unloved child with lots of secrets. I have lots of stories of starting well and ending with poor follow-through. And, I have lots of ways of pushing back, arguing, and defending myself from being discovered.
I don’t know how to live a healthy life. Everyone repeats cute ideas and simple sayings. On the outside I agree with them. Inside, I scream. You are not helping me!
I am way-past being tired. I am now looking for hope. And, I am very scared that I can’t get out of this trap of my own making. I am supposed to be a leader, but I can’t even lead myself out of my own trap.
Sincerely, Joe Average
If this sounds like you, you’re not alone. I hear this story in different ways from many men. More importantly, Jesus knows your story.
Bible Verse
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.
Matthew 11:28 (NIV)
Prayer
Father, I can relate to this letter. I am so tired of living a divided life. I want rest and wholeness. Can you help me see things I have never seen? And, hear things I have never heard. I am your servant. I need your wisdom and insights. Amen