Equipping Christian Men for Richer Relationships

How to Find Peace

A teacher once made this comment.

I’ve spent hundred of hours reading on the topic of recovery. I’ve studied eight counseling theories. My goal was to outline, summarize, and organize each theory. In fact, I’m to the point I can teach these theories that promise growth and healing. However, I can’t find peace, rest, or joy.

We. talked about the Doctor Marriage workbook titled, The Emotional Growth Map-A Pathway to Peace, Rest, and Joy and its contents. The teacher then asked,

How do you get to the deeper issues of peace, rest and joy?

For today’s discussion let’s focus on these four thoughts:

  1. Peace is defined as harmony, tranquility and quiet. It also includes freedom from disquieting or oppressive thoughts. (Merriam-Webster)
  2. The Wrong Solution-Are you trying to punish yourself into goodness? Examples include calling yourself names like stupid, not good enough, unworthy, screw up, etc.
  3. Jesus said. Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. – John 14:27 (NIV)
  4. Are you being kind to yourself? Do you practice forgiveness? Do you nurture yourself after a struggle? Do you self-soothe after failure?

Prayer

Father, I have a history of judging, condemning, and practicing punishment on myself. Today I want to release my old ways. I want to receive the peace that Jesus offers. Help my spiritual beliefs and emotional system work together. I claim the peace and ways of Jesus. Amen.

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Stephen Cervantes

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Comments

One response to “How to Find Peace”

  1. Jaaziah Almy Stone Avatar
    Jaaziah Almy Stone

    Some other key phrases of shame and self-punishing that are harmful:
    “Ugh, I shouldn’t have done that.”
    “I should be better!”
    “Why can’t I just _____?!”

    “Should” language is negative. There are healthy choices, and there are unhealthy choices. And they are all choices. What you “should do” doesn’t matter. What you did matters. And what you do NEXT matters more.
    What I did was bring a lot of emotional chaos and pain to my wife and children. A lot.
    What I’m doing next is healing myself, and attempting to reconnect with my wife and children to help them heal, too.

    What I “should have done” is irrelevant. It is done. It was unhealthy. I feel deep sadness, grief, discomfort, and anxiety knowing all the hurt I caused.
    What should I do now? That is also irrelevant. What I AM doing is making a healthy choice, right now, in this moment.

    Thank you, Stephen, for another beautiful blog post.
    ~Jaaziah Almy Stone