Noah Harrin, author, speaker, and pastor, shared that he had attended pre-marriage counseling. In one of the sessions the counselor made this comment.
“There is a difference between assumed expectations and discussed expectations.”
Assumed is defined as not true, supposed or taken for granted.
Assumed Expectations:
- Things that I think will happen
- How I believe a situation will play out.
- Thoughts without action.
- An outcome I wanted but failed to express.
- When I solve a problem in my mind.
- And then I create a great plan but don’t share it.
Discussed Expectations:
- Dialogue about how I think things should go forward
- Consultation about our future plans
- Both parties giving input on ideas
- Expressing your best thinking and encouraging me to express mine
- Two Individuals shoulder to shoulder, looking forward and sharing their views
Noah shared that he and his wife had discussed and laughed at this statement many times throughout their married life. It’s easy to make assumptions. Dialogue is the hard part.
Closing
Do everything you can to discuss thoughts, plans, and future actions with your spouse. Assumptions and poor communication often lead to trouble.
Prayer
Father, thank you for being a mystery and yet being very clear about the essential matters. Thank you for your thoughts on life, judgement and Jesus. Thank you for the Bible and its lessons. Help me communicate better with you and my spouse. I need your help. Amen.
Bible Connection
Read the story of Jesus and the woman at the well. She had many assumptions. Jesus engaged her in discussion and clarity. – John Chapter 4