Dear God,

I love You. I need You.
I know I cannot make it without You.

I have an admission. I still want some control.

I trust You with most of my life…
but not exactly all of it.

There are places I still hold back.

Letting go completely makes me nervous.
People have made promises before
and I’ve been disappointed, again and again.

So I’ve learned to hold something in reserve.

I know I’ve said I would submit.
And I have… mostly.
But not exactly 100%.

There are parts of me I still protect.
Parts I don’t fully trust anyone with.

No one has ever felt completely safe.
No one has ever fully known me and stayed.

So I’ve learned to hide… just a little.

And if I’m honest— I’ve always ended up taking care of myself.

I don’t know what it feels like to live with deep, long lasting, inner peace.

I believe it’s real.
I just don’t know how to live there.

So for now…
I still fall back to old ways of coping and surviving. It’s when I feel alone, unwanted, or unappreciated. And when the loneliness, the unworthiness, and the rejection are unbearable.

Close

I wish I didn’t have to say these things.
But I want to be honest with You…
and honest with myself.

Prayer

Father, it’s a new day. Teach me that You are safe. Teach me how to trust You—completely. Thank You for Jesus, grace and new days. Amen.

Scripture

Paul admitted his struggle

“For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing.” -Romans 7:19 (NIV)