Author: Stephen Cervantes

Do you have to punish me?

Dear Husband, Two years ago we had that hard conversation. You said you were happy and would be staying the same. I chose growth. All my life I have been a pleaser and fixer. I tried so many times. But sadly, I could not fix us. So, I embraced a new strategy. I moved closer…

Things to say to “out loud” just before you do something stupid: Homework Pick 5 of the above statements to repeat in moments of weakness. PRAYER Father, please give me wisdom and strength. Help me with righteousness, discipline and surrender. And, may it be all to your glory. Amen.

Most men struggle with the concept of Staying Present. When a conversation gets difficult men flood with fear. Let’s review why. HIS THOUGHTS HIS DEEPEST FEAR If you know me you will be disappointed. You won’t like me. And, in the end you will leave me like everyone else. HIS OLD SOLUTIONS I’ve found escaping,…

Things I wish dad had told me. Proverbs- Where there is no guidance the people fail.Seek wisdom. Amen

I have been walking and talking to God more and more. I am tired of carrying around old, heavy fears. My fears are slowly getting lighter. Most of my life I have feared three things: If any of those happened it would mean I had no value. Oh, and I have feared your condemnation of…

I’ve always wanted to be at the center of an important group. (I just knew that would make me feel special.) But, mostly I found myself on the outer, edges looking in. I’ve always wanted to be a stand-out in something. But, I’m just average in most areas. And, sometimes below average. I’ve wanted to…

Currently, you have a well established Negative-Head-Place. That Negative-Head-Place holds all your painful, failure memories. Which include mistakes, shame, regret, disappointments, hurt, and losses. What About creating a Positive-Head-Place? It’s a place where you keep a stockpile of positive memories? Capture, even the smallest moments of love and joy. Let your mind drift back and…

I have never trusted anyone. I could not trust my parents with my feelings and emotions. And, friends caused me more pain and hurt. So, I decided. I would keep myself safe. I buried my emotions deep, inside. I trusted no one. I was desperate to feel loved and find emotional safety. Nothing brought me…

One of the guys made this life changing statement. “I have started to implement a new strategy. I’m starting to press into my old feelings. In the past I would run from those ugly, haunting feelings. Not any more!” Wow! His old program was to feel fear. Run away. Escape into a fantasy. And, stay…

Husband “I don’t want to talk to my wife because sometimes it’s not safe.” Wife “When my husband doesn’t talk to me I don’t feel safe.” Husband “I think like a man. Act like a man. And, feel a lot less emotional than my wife.” Wife “I like emotions and emotional language. When I express…

A friend asked, What’s wrong with me? I am part of a marriage and a family, yet, I feel so isolated. Here are some of my immediate thoughts. Good news! That old, growing-up, difficult situation, that started you isolating, ended long ago. You are now free to start a new program. God is giving you…