Author: Stephen Cervantes

Great listeners make you feel emotionally heard. What is their secret? FIRST, they divide a serious conversation into two distinct parts. Part one is “the problem” being presented. And, Part two is “the person” speaking. SECOND, they prioritize spending time asking about the emotions of the (person) speaker. Example Speaker-“I’m really sad about losing my…

We are emotional beings and spiritual beings. The older I get the more I hear, “Just be a spiritual being.” I agree conceptually. But, in reality, that’s hard. We are all aware of men and women who know and love God, a lot. But, they continue to make emotional mistakes. Some are small likeshaming themselves,…

Three years ago I was told by my doctor to get a hearing test. I did. They told me I had some high frequency hearing loss. I was told again recently. “You could benefit from a hearing aid.” To me, a hearing aid meant you were officially old, handicapped, and broken. I sulked around depressed…

I saw a romantic sign. It read. “ALL OF ME LOVES ALL OF YOU!” It sounded good. But, I got to thinking about that concept. I think it means, I want all of me to love all of you. How, I wondered? We all have damaged, wounded, traumatized hearts. All of me wants to love…

If, you want great connecting to be part of your love story, you must UNLEARN some skills. If you want a deep, close friendship, you must UNLEARN some skills. If, you want to get to the promised land of oneness, you must UNLEARN some skills. Here is a list of disconnecting skills a spouse must…

Homework assignment for today. When someone ATTACKS you, immediately and quietly repeat these words three times.“The God in me is bigger than the fear in you.” When someone CRITICIZES you, repeat.“The God in me is bigger than the fear in you.” When someone INSULTS you, repeat.“The God in me is bigger than the fear in…

Someone mentioned sorrow and then the topic turned to anger. I got to thinking. Is there a connection between those two emotions? Anger and sorrow? When I think of an angry person, I immediately think disappointment. For example, I see a man acting angry. My first thought is, “This man is loudly expressing his disappointment…

In life, there will be three major challenges, in three different areas. At each intersection you will be asked to change. 1. Emotional Program You set up your emotional program in childhood. Some beliefs and behaviors were meant for survival and won’t work well in adulthood. If you refuse to change, you will be functioning…

It is important to have the right view of church. Church is a meeting place for Grinches. Grinches have small hearts. They have a history of being selfish, greedy, and self centered. They take first and give second. In youth, they lack maturity. And in adulthood, they lack maturity. Grinches have expertise. They look out…

Several years ago I read the book titled, Look Me in the Eye, by John Robison. It was about a boy with autism. He was told to look people in the eyes. But he had a question and could not find the answer. “Do I look in the right eye, left eye, or in between…

Do you have to punish me?

Dear Husband, Two years ago we had that hard conversation. You said you were happy and would be staying the same. I chose growth. All my life I have been a pleaser and fixer. I tried so many times. But sadly, I could not fix us. So, I embraced a new strategy. I moved closer…