How does it make sense that an individual can be appropriate in one moment and emotionally “odd” in another? (I’m defining “emotionally odd” as- angry, controlling, defensive, anxious, going numb, etc.)

David Zailer, author of Death of a Fisherman, was trying to understand why he went emotionally “numb” periodically. He had recently experienced an episode of numbness. It occurred at a public meeting where his dad embarrassed him. As he grew in self awareness he wrote,

“I began to understand how my “head” was blind to see the hurt my “heart” had known.”

Insights

• His odd, adult behavior was identified as “going numb.”
• It occurred during moments of embarrassment.
• David was recognizing he was living in adulthood but his heart was still carrying childhood pain.
• To function as a healthy adult, his brain was using “numbing out” to survive difficult emotional moments.
• When David lived in his head (logic) he was blind to the pain living in his heart. His mind was creating “numbness” to protect him from the feelings of embarrassment and unworthiness.

When you start doing odd behaviors ask yourself, What emotional pain am I feeling right now?

Prayer

Father, please bless my heart and mind. Amen