What if, somewhere on your childhood journey, you divided yourself?

As a child, there is only one conclusion to failing, “I am bad!” The conclusion to many negative experiences that occurred is “I failed.” And it’s because “I’m bad.”

Our memories of past struggles and failings are stored in simple language. That language includes shame, self judgement and condemnation. The brain loves simple, repetitive patterns. So, it simplifies why bad things happen. It’s because “I’m bad.”

That is the battle that rages inside. To survive you came up with a solution. You divided yourself. You now show a good outside self. And hide your bad inside self. You try to suppress your bad self. But it keeps popping out.

Always and only being good is hard. There are times your bad/flawed self gets hyperactive. You lose control and act stupid.

This battle stunts your emotional growth. It never ends. It just keeps running on and on quietly in the background. There is no easy solution or quick fix to living divided. Time to go spiritual.

Prayer

Father, am I bad? Can you help me see myself through your eyes. My living-divided-strategy is keeping me stuck. Being divided does not work. And yet I’ve done it since childhood. I am confessing to you today. I don’t know how to be whole, complete, and spiritually mature. This inner battle is keeping me in torment. I want peace, rest, and joy in my soul. Please help me Abba, Jesus, and Holy Spirit. Amen.

Bible

Since you are children of a perfect Father in heaven, you are to be perfect like him. – Matthew 5:48 (TPT)

The word perfect in this verse does not mean flawless. It means whole, complete and spiritually mature. (Not divided)