Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) has been discussed previously. Here is another concept from that relationship perspective.

In marital conflict you have two individuals playing two different roles: One is the Pursuer, and the other is the Withdrawer. For discussion purposes, let’s say the wife is the Pursuer. That means somewhere on the journey she’s had the feeling of being safe, vulnerable, and known. A wife might express it this way:”I feel known and loved.” (EFT would describe that feeling of love as securely attached) Because it feels so wonderful, a wife would be continuously trying to create and recreate that feeling with her spouse.

The Withdrawer role would be played by the husband. Withdrawers find safety in distance. They have been loners all their lives. Withdrawers would think living separate and detached in marriage is a superpower. They have no idea about the concept of being known. They’ve never had that experience. Often, these men are very low in self-awareness. Withdrawers live around a spouse but never attach to her.

The problem:

Most marital conflicts involve the Pursuer pursuing and the Withdrawer withdrawing.

Prayer

Father, if I’m the Pursuer fill me with patience and your love. May I strongly attach to you Abba, Jesus and the Holy Spirit. If I am the Withdrawer fill me with vision, self-awareness, and a deep desire to attach to you and my wife. Amen.

Bible: Jesus said.
The Father and I are one.
(Securely attached)
John 10:30, (TPT)