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Equipping Christian Men for Richer Relationships

Two Stories we Write About Ourselves

In life you need two stories to be successful. The first one is to survive. The second one is to thrive.

My First Story

Childhood was difficult and complicated. And, some relationships were painful. So, I developed survival beliefs, behaviors, and coping skills. Over time those three areas got solidified into a story. The story includes how I see myself and how I would protect myself in relationships.

My First Story was written by me, a wounded boy who felt poorly loved. Poorly loved means not well known and raised in an emotionally disconnected family. Since I never felt loved well, I had to settle for trying to be safe. So, I over developed my coping and surviving skills. Those skills include some of these behaviors:

  • Hiding
  • Avoiding
  • Running away
  • Lying
  • Disconnecting
  • Using anger
  • Being defensive
  • Passivity
  • Staying overly logical, and
  • Living detached

I used these skills in my youth. And, I still use them in my marriage.

Today, I am starting to see and remember my story. Why don’t I know my own story? Because
it has been hidden. Buried. It could only be found by me in the deep-dark-basement-of-my-soul. And, I don’t need the old story, the Boy Survival Story, constantly living in survival mode, any more.

As I continue to see and explore my Boy Survival Story, it saddens me. It has stunned me. And, hurt those around me. So, today I grieve and begin my life again.

My Second Story

Today, I begin to answer my boyhood questions. There are three:

  • Am I enough?
  • Am I good?
  • Am I lovable?

Story Two must be built on those answers. Answering those questions moves me towards peace, rest, and joy. The answers come from Adult Me, Abba, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit.

Prayer

Father, help me build and keep building Story Two. I built Story One on confusion and unworthiness. Help me use your answers to build Story Two. Thank you Papa Abba for including the unworthy boy and the struggling man into your family. Amen.

Meditate on Papa Abba’s words,
I SO loved you….
I so LOVED you…
I so loved YOU…..
Read John 16:3

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Posted on

May 30, 2024

by

Stephen Cervantes

  • Tangled Goat: Photo by Torsten Dederichs on Unsplash | Unsplash License

Day 1, Our Stories
Doctor Marriage

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Created by Greater Lessons

All content copyright © 2025, Doctor Marriage, inc. unless otherwise specified, or included as fair use. No content on this website is intended to treat or diagnose any mental health issues. The content on this website is intended for educational purposes only.

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