Your wife will periodically need to vent*. It will include any area she finds stressful. And yes, sometimes it will include you. This is her time for healing through venting. During this time, remember: When she’s talking, it’s okay that it’s more about her than you.

As a husband, you must learn this three step process:

1. Stay present
2. Trust the process
3. Learn her system

Step #1: Stay Present

Repeat to yourself: This is a venting session. It may be very intense but remember she is just venting pain and disappointment.

Repeat to yourself: God, please help me. I will not take offense. I will not argue or defend myself. This is her time. I will let her vent off hurts and frustrations. I will not take over a topic or make it all about me. Just stay present.

Step #2: Trust the Process

Venting is heavier at the beginning and lighter at the end. No one can stay at a high level of emotional intensity forever. Venting is healing. People feel better after throwing up their feelings.

So I will let my wife vent her pain. And I will trust the process.

Step #3: Learn her System

We’re all very repetitive and knowable beings. We express wants, needs, and fears. If you listen to your wife, she will tell you all about those wants and fears. As individuals, we want to be loved and understood. Listen and learn her needs. Then bless her by letting her know you understand. Learn her system and how she expresses hurts, wants, and needs.

Prayer

Father, help me understand emotional venting. Help me stay present and open to learning. You are patient and offer me love, healing, and growth. Help me be like you and Jesus. Amen.

Bible Connection

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted, and he saves those whose spirits have been crushed. – Psalm 34:18 (NCV)

*NOTE: These comments refer to emotional venting, not physical aggression.