Here are some thoughts about the path to a healthy, fully developed, emotional system. This pathway applies to many husbands.

1.  In childhood you developed half of a healthy, emotional system.
2.  That system is great for aloneness and survival, but it’s not designed to help with relationship bonding.
3.  A husband may hear his wife say, “I want you to know me. I don’t know you. And, you don’t know me. I don’t feel close to you.”
4.  Most men will ignore those comments as long as possible. That is, until there is a crisis.
5.  When a husband starts waking up, he might say, “Wow! I’ve been so blind. I just couldn’t see or hear what you you’ve been saying. Today I see I am emotionally stunted.
6.  Important: In developing his new program a husband must not try to get rid of his first program. Rather, he builds a second program to run alongside his first, childhood, survival program.
7.  His first half, emotional program was designed for survival. It includes overuse of anger, agitation, and defensiveness.
8.  Confused by emotions and relationships he chooses to develop the skills of using logic, doing projects, and fixing things.
9.  On his new emotional growth mission he’ll make an amazing discovery. His soul is driven by fear and sadness.
10. A husband might ask, “How do I know I haven’t developed the second half of my program?” The answer is because you don’t operate on peace, rest, or joy.
11. Peace, rest, and joy are needed when developing bonding, attaching and connecting skills.
12. Finally, when a husband runs the new second half of his program, his wife will make this type of statement. “I feel hopeful, safer, and more connected to you.”

Close

Most husbands have developed a survival program. (That’s the first half of an emotional system.) However, many fail to develop a connecting, attaching and bonding function. (That’s the second half of an emotional system.)

Prayer

Father, you are the best at transforming hearts for greater love, bonding and attaching. Please transform me. Amen.

Bible

You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. – Matthew 22:37 (ESV)