My parents were not close. Growing up, no one I knew was close. Periodically, I’d hear about couples who were described as being close. I never understood what that meant. Somewhere in the growing up years, my belief changed. It went from “I don’t understand how to be close” to “I don’t need be close to anyone.”

Growing up, I learned another thing about myself. I was socially awkward. And awkward people make everyone else feel uncomfortable. I needed a strategy to appear close and connected, all the while staying detached and distant.

This meant learning to smile, laugh, and look relaxed. It put others at ease. It was easy enough to learn some social skills, but that was very different from learning emotional, connecting skills.

This may not surprise you. I’m not very happy, but I am very good at entertaining myself and being alone. I’m married. My wife struggles with feeling unloved and disconnected.

Today, I’m revisiting these two old childhood truths:

I don’t need to be close to anyone, and it’s okay if I never learn to be close or bond.

Prayer

Father, I need your help. I’ve never learned to connect or bond. I’m struggling, and my wife is also. I know my unhappiness is connected to not being well loved. I just gave up on being loved. Can you please re-parent me in the school of love and connecting? Amen.

Bible

Any kingdom divided against itself will be ruined (desolate), and a house divided against itself will fall (apart).

Luke 11:18. NIV