I’m still thinking through a comment made by a seasoned Emotionally Focused Therapist (EFT).

That school of counseling teaches this marriage cycle:

Something in my behavior triggers you into your negative behaviors. It’s a cycle of emotional destruction. Something I do, triggers a fear in you and you overreact. Then your overreaction triggers a fear in me and I overreact. You’ve seen this cycle and probably have not understood what was going on. A wife says, “You did this and it hurt me!” Her husband responds, “Well you did that and it hurt me!” The cycle begins.

Here’s the comment made by the therapist. After years of engaging in this destructive cycle each spouse concludes the following: “I don’t think you like me!”

My heart sunk. Great love stories end up here? Best friends end up here? Two good hearted, loving people end up here? That couple has done thousands of things together very well. But, this repeated cycle erodes them into this belief. “ I don’t think you like me!”

Prayer

Jesus, we are lovers and made for a love story. But this negative emotional cycle is killing our love story. Please help us. Grow us. Show us. Teach us. We are yours. Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, we need your help. Amen.

Bible Connection

A gentle response deflects fury, but a harsh word makes tempers rise. – Proverbs 15:1 (CJB)

Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters! Let every person be quick to listen, slow to speak, slow to anger. For human anger does not accomplish God’s righteousness – James 1:19-20 (NET)

The beginning of strife is like breaching a dam, therefore stop contention before quarreling breaks out. – Proverbs 17:14 (WEB)