Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) makes these observations:

• Married couples get stuck in a loop of arguing and conflict.
• The more they argue and fight the larger the disconnection.
• And the wider the gap of disconnection, the more they argue and fight.
• Repeated arguments cause relationship injuries.
• And conflict and injuries become a circular loop of misunderstandings.
• Over time more arguments occur, relation injuries increase, and the gap of distance widens.

EFT states, as a child you defined love as “safety and secure attachment.” So, EFT defines adult love is as safety and a secure attachment bond with your spouse.

What is underneath all the conflict?

• One spouse is looking for a strong attachment bond and the other is not.
• One spouse was not raised with strong attachment. So, they are more comfortable with distance and aloneness over a strong attachment bond.
• Arguing and upset is one spouse trying to forge a strong attachment bond while the other is staying detached.

Prayer

Father, help me with oneness. You specialize in two becoming one. We need your help as we grow. Please bless us with a wonderful, Jesus-centered, attachment bond. The kind Jesus had with his Father. Amen.

Bible Connection

For this reason, a man is to leave his father and his mother and lovingly hold to his wife, since the two have become joined as one flesh. – Ephesians 5:31 (TPT)