I recently listened to a podcast featuring Tod Bolsinger, author, of Conoeing the Mountains, speaker, and church consultant. He spoke about why churches struggle with change. Tod quoted what he learned from Ron Heifetz and Marty Linsky:

“People like the status quo. They get anxious with change. It’s often said, people resist change. No! Change means loss. And, people resist loss.”

Original thought from Heifetz, Ronald A., Marty Linsky, and Alexander Grashow. The Practice of Adaptive Leadership: Tools and Tactics for Changing Your Organization and the World. Harvard Business Press, 2009

This was insightful! Wow! My mind jumped forward. We know men resist change in their marriage relationship. But why? This new information says, it’s because they resist loss. What loss comes with emotional growth and change?

Gentlemen, please explore these questions about the loss that comes with emotional growth.

• Will I lose my comfort?
• Will I lose my strong, confident image?
• What if I get lost? And, start feeling stupid.
• What if I end up feeling and looking weak?
• What if I hate the change? Can I go back?
• What if I’m comfortable and want to die here?
• I’ve lived disconnected all my life. Why can’t I just die like this?
• I’ve never been close to anyone. What if i don’t like emotional closeness?
• My wife is better at emotions. Will she have all the power?
• I know a lot of people who have emotional blind spots. Why can’t I just live and die with an emotional blind spot?

Prayer

Father, I like where I am. I hate losses and the discomfort of change. I also know the Christian journey is about growth and change. Please forgive me if–I’m slow on this spiritual-emotional growth journey. In my spirit I know your ways are about adding to my life. But, my soul thinks change is about losing old, important things. Bless me with wisdom today. Amen.

Bible Verse

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has passed away, and see, the new has come!

2 Corinthians 5:17 (CSB)

(Note: Some of us are still trying to get our emotional systems to catch up to this spiritual truth.)