What if you were never trained to be emotionally close to anyone? That means, growing up, Dad was not a role model for closeness. And Mom was not good at emotional connecting.

Building on those thoughts would mean you were probably raised to live with others, but emotional connecting was not an important part of being with others.

Which would also mean you probably have good-

• Logical thinking skills
• Problem solving skills
• Fixing skills, and
• Living detached in a relationship skills


And, it probably means you see these things as unnecessary-

• Lots of talking
• Using emotions and emotional language
• Exploring emotional thoughts, and
• Unpacking feelings.

Married men often discover this truism of relationship after they are married: “Opposites often attract.”

At first, as a couple, you disagreed, argued, and tried to figure things out. It was so challenging you stopped trying and settled for just co-existing.

Many days may have passed with no arguing conflicts. But also, many days have passed without emotional connecting.

Lots of married couples fit this description.

The connecting spouse lives in grief. She thinks: This relationship is full of so much potential. The detaching spouse thinks: I’m so glad all the arguing and conflict has stopped.

Homework

Take this concept home and discuss with your spouse. My hope is these posts always facilitate discussion that ends in better connecting.

Prayer

Father, please bless the conversation that goes along with this post. We are all fragile people. We get hurt and angry so easily. (Help each reader to feel your love and presence today.) May we have today’s talk with wisdom, insight, and grace. And, may we remember how much you love oneness. We need you. We love you. We are yours. Amen.

Bible Connection

Read Ephesians 5:21 in your favorite translation and add it to your discussion.