There’s a pattern that can be seen in early marriage. It’s not seen at the very beginning, but it starts to appear late in the first year and is expressed more and more throughout the early years.

A man will draw a circle around himself. That circle includes beliefs, desires, and behaviors. It includes his thoughts, values, likes, and dislikes. And it also includes his wants and needs. The circle contains all his rules for living.

One day, that man gets married. He invites his wife into his circle. Then he makes a major thinking error. He assumes she will enjoy living in his circle.

Every time she steps out of the circle he is confused and expresses displeasure. He wants her to think and act the way he does. When she does not, he expresses disapproval.

We all understand the comfort of living in our own circle. And since we constructed the circle, it’s our circle, and must not to be messed with.

But there’s a problem. His wife has her own circle of thoughts, feelings, and actions.

Why this matters

There’s a lot of comfort living in your own circle. Other people have differences. Therefore, they cannot easily live in your circle.

The goal of marriage is to merge two circles into one.

Prayer

Father, please help me. I like my ways. They make me comfortable. I want to live in Jesus’ circle, and I yield my heart to you, God. Holy Spirit, make me more like Jesus. Please be patient with me. And please help me have patience with my wife and her differences. Help us merge our circles into one that looks like Jesus. Amen.

Bible Connection

In the book of James, we read this about faith challenges. I think the principle also applies to relationship challenges.

My fellow believers, when it seems as though you are facing nothing but difficulties, see it as an invaluable opportunity to experience the greatest joy that you can! For you know that when your faith is tested it stirs up in you the power of endurance. And then as your endurance grows even stronger, it will release perfection into every part of your being until there is nothing missing and nothing lacking. – James 1:2-4 (Passion)