Everyone has a world view. That view includes how you view yourself and how you engage others.

Your world view was shaped by your growing up experiences. If your family was close, you learned good connecting skills. If they were distant you learned how to live detached.

It’s helpful to examine the thoughts of different groups of individuals. Here’s a collection of thoughts from men who live detached and with a self protection mindset.

• I am a quiet, private person. I don’t let anyone in. I never open up.
• I don’t know if you’re safe. I’m afraid you might hurt me. I don’t want any more hurt.
• I’ve been alone all my life. Even in my own family, I’ve always felt alone. In my family we all lived separate lives.
• I spent a lot of time alone, because I was left alone a lot. Today, I’m good at entertaining myself.
• I want safety and predictability. If I control all dialogue, I’ll be safe. I can’t risk letting you know me.
• No one has ever wanted to know me. Why would I trust you? Yes, life is lonely, but it’s safe.
• I’ve been the same way since childhood. You say you wanna know me. How can I trust you?
• What if I let you in and you don’t like me? What then? No thanks.
• Just love the outside me. I’ll protect the inside me. I’ve done this for the last 40 years and I can easily do this for another 40 years.

Close

Everyone has a strategy for interacting with others. It’s important to learn your own emotional strategy. Because some strategies work better than others.

Prayer

Father, I battle between being open in a relationship and living closed. If I open up, my weaknesses will be seen and judged. If I live closed, I will be safe but live stunted. I want to be loved well. Thank you for loving me. Amen.

Bible

Jesus is our example for living, loving and connecting. He said,
Anyone who loves me will obey my teaching. My Father will love them, and we will come to them and make our home with them. – John 14:23 NIV