Meeting a distant relative for a late lunch I commented, “Man, the traffic is really bad at this time of day. It was 1 pm. I didn’t know it was this busy on your side of town.”

He responded, “This is a very popular part of town. The road system is falling behind. More people are moving into the city. The roads are not wide enough. So, there’s a lot of construction going on. That, and people are returning from lunch. And, lots of people have lots of errands to run.”

His response was stressful. I asked myself why? Here is my conclusion. He made three thinking errors:

#1. He turned my emotional comment into a problem.

#2. Next he proceeded to explain the reason for the problem.

#3. Finally, he shared all his thoughts on the problem of traffic congestion.

Back to my earlier comment. It was based on three factors. I was feeling anxious. There was uncertainty that I would arrive on time, and I was confused about the restaurant location. Here are the words that would have comforted me: “Sorry traffic was such a mess. Thanks for driving over here to meet with me. I’m so glad to see you. It’s been way too long.”

Why this matters

When talking to someone you value, it’s critical to hear the person and not a problem.

Prayer

Father, thank you for knowing and hearing me. Thank you loving and pursuing me. Thank you for allowing me in to sit in your presence and talk freely. Thank you for being my Heavenly Father. And thank you Jesus and Holy Spirit. Amen.

Bible Connection

One who gives an answer before he hears, it is foolishness and shame to him. – Proverbs 18:13 (NASB)

A plan in the heart of a person is like deep water, But a person of understanding draws it out. – Proverbs 20:5 (NASB)