Over the last few years, I’ve been in ongoing conversation with my Heavenly Designer. I asked God to help me see myself. Day after day, I sat with Abba. And He showed me, Me.

Here is what I’ve learned:

1. I hate criticism. And, I hate when people are disappointed in me. It makes me fearful.
2. I fear failure. It makes me look stupid. I hate looking and feeling stupid.
3. My anger is connected to being let down.  My anger is verbalized, disappointment.
4. Life is full of disappointment. And I have poor disappointment management skills.
5. I like being the Fixer. It makes me feel valuable-like I matter. I like being wanted.
6. When life feels overwhelming I escape. I disengage, stop caring and runaway. I love getting lost in movies, media and the internet.
7. I try to be a “nice guy”. “But when I get tired of giving and not receiving I act moody.
8. Shame has a voice in my head. It asks hurtful questions. What’s wrong with you? Why do you act that way? What were you thinking?
9. Negative self-talk burdens my soul. Why aren’t you like other people? You are odd and different.
10. Relationships are hard work. Marriage is where the best of me and the worst of me shows up.

Conclusion:

I am Abba’s kid. He is my eternal, loving Father. And I will be in His training (transformation) program for the rest of my life.

Prayer:

Father, thank you for saving me, loving me and training me. Amen

Scripture:

He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion…  Phil 1:6 (NIV)