I am terrified of failure.

I hate failing.

I hate being told I’m a failure.

Deep inside, I believe that if I fail, you won’t love me.

And I need to be loved.

So I work very hard to make sure you’re happy with me. Because your approval feels very close to being loved.

I hate failing because failure feels like rejection. I don’t want to be rejected. If you reject me, 

maybe you’ll –

Leave me.

Discard me.

Decide you no longer want me.

Abandon me.

Then, I’ll be left all alone. 

Unloved. Unwanted.

You ask why I’m so hard on myself.

Now you know. To me, failure has never been just about making a mistake.

Closing-

Failure constantly whispers:

“You’re not good enough.”

“You’re unworthy.”

“No one wants you.”

That is why I try so hard not to fail.

Prayer-

Father, my fear exhausts me. Teach me to rest in you. Amen

Scripture

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.”   Matt. 11:28 NIV