How do you “hold space” for your wife?

The premise: talking through a troubling feeling will bring some relief. It is further believed, if you give space for an idea to be explored a deepening process will occur. In deepening, the individual will gain new self-awareness.

Here is an example:

Wife: I’m sad.
Husband: I’m listening.
Wife: The office girls are going on a trip, and I wasn’t invited.
Husband: Ouch. That hurts.
Wife: Several of them have been acting cold towards me lately.
Husband: That’s odd.
Wife: Carol doesn’t like me, and I think she’s turning the others against me.
Husband: Oh, Wow! (Said sadly)
Wife: It feels a lot like sixth grade when Margo did the same thing. (Deepening)
Husband: That’s sad.

The Holding Space Guidelines

• You say very little.
• Stay present.
• Lean in.
• Your whole body is saying, “I’m here and listening.”
• Slow down.
• Soften your voice.
• Pace off of her.
• Try not to ask questions. Rather, convey with your whole body you are anticipating her next thought.
• Be patient. Quietly wait for her next thought.
• Finally, repeat back any emotional words.
• “That is sad.” “You are exhausted.” “So, lonely.”

Prayer

Father, help me with my listening skills. And can you throw in some patience and wisdom also? I’ve had no training in the concept of “holding space.” It’s a new skill and I want to use it to bless my bride. Also, I want it to help her and myself deepen. Amen.

Bible Connection

My dearest brothers and sisters, take this to heart: Be quick to listen, be slow to speak. And be slow to become angry. – James 1:19 (TPT)