Great listeners make you feel emotionally heard. What is their secret?
FIRST, they divide a serious conversation into two distinct parts. Part one is “the problem” being presented. And, Part two is “the person” speaking.
SECOND, they prioritize spending time asking about the emotions of the (person) speaker.
Speaker-“I’m really sad about losing my dog.”
Part One- Her dog died.
Part Two- She is really sad.
An AVERAGE listener will talk about her dog the whole time. Swop dog stories and explain how dogs don’t live as long as humans etc.
The GREAT listener will do some of the above. Then, they will shift over to the emotional side. And, ask emotional questions.
“How does it feel to lose your dog?
“Say more about the sadness you are feeling.”
“Have you ever felt this kind of sadness in the past?”
Most Speakers are glad you can handle their sadness. And, talking about their sadness helps them explore it. The result is the Speaker learns more about her feelings and she feels understood by you.
You can be a great listener if you ask about a person’s emotions. Remember, grieving and mourning are a huge part of life. Learn to grieve with the one hurting.
Blessed are those who mourn for they will be comforted.Matthew 5:4 (NIV)
Father, give me wisdom as I join others in their sadness. Amen