School was hard for me. I needed extra help comprehending. I knew early I was different. And I quickly learned different was not good. 

I started listening to the word “good.” This is what I heard. 

One mother said to another. “Your son is such a GOOD kid.”

Someone else said, “everybody likes him.  He’s so GOOD.”

One teacher said to another, “He’s such a GOOD student.” 

I’ve kept hearing GOOD and thinking the GOOD people are valued and loved. So, I came up with a strategy. 

I would convince people I was GOOD. When anyone asked, “How are you doing?” I’d respond, GOOD. “How are things going?” GOOD! “Do you need anything?” No, I’m GOOD. “Are you struggling?” No, it’s all GOOD. 

I built my life around an image of GOOD. Inside things were not good. Life was full of struggles. They included heartaches, loneliness, and neglect. I didn’t think I was good. And I’ve never actually liked myself. 

After a while, everything blurred. I forgot to check on myself. I stopped asking myself how I was doing? I stopped paying attention to my emotions. I was not doing well, but I kept saying GOOD.  

Then one day I crossed a line. I broke down and rebelled. I hurt my wife, children, and family. And I had to face the consequences. Things had not been GOOD for a very, very long time. 

Today I’m accepting that I’m just a regular guy. Some days are good. Some days are average. Some days are bad.  

I see now GOOD is where I was hiding. Always saying GOOD has stunted me. It’s time for me to emotionally grow up. 

I must now face two fears. 

First, I don’t think I’m any good and no one will like the regular me. 

Second, I must stop using “GOOD” to try to get you to like me. 

Today I lay down my boyhood plan at the feet of Jesus. I am asking the Lord for wisdom. 

Prayer

Father, I’ve been hiding and scared all my life. Today I stand in your presence to receive mercy, grace and forgiveness. My SPIRIT knows I’m good because I’m yours. Help my MIND and my SOUL to know it also. Please give me wisdom and discernment. Help me go forward in your love and goodness. Amen.

 Bible

Jesus replied, no one is good except God alone. 

Luke 18:19 NIV 

And be transformed by the renewing of your mind. 

Rom 12:2 NIV