How do you respond when someone verbally attacks you? Do you immediately feel fear and anger rise inside you? We call it “taking things personally” but it’s hard not to take it personally when our deep fears are being invoked.
These deep fears, the ones we hide from others, are fear of failure, fear of being inadequate, and fear of being different. When someone attacks you verbally along these lines, we often respond immediately and with intense retaliation.
But what if I tell you there’s a better way? What if there’s a way to tame these fears before we take the inevitable attack personally? Here are a couple of things to think about, to tame these fears.
We are all fallen souls
To begin with, understanding that no one is perfect, puts you on an even playing field with those who would attack you personally.
All people have done wrong things. Nobody can be good and great, as God wanted them to be.
Romans 3:23 (EASY)
Those who would attack you for having failed have also failed. For being inadequate, are also inadequate.
We are all different
Another thing to remember is that we are unique. Your differences are intended to bring about God’s plan for you and others.
Under his control all the different parts of the body fit together, and the whole body is held together by every joint with which it is provided. So when each separate part works as it should, the whole body grows and builds itself up through love.
Ephesians 4:16 (GNT)
So when someone calls you out and shows you your differences, it’s okay. Your differences are meant for the good of the whole body. You’re just not like them. Not who they want you to be.
How to Respond
Armed with this understanding, what are some good thoughts to have before you respond to someone who attacks you verbally?
Example #1
The verbal attack- “YOU are such a screw up!”
Your first thought response should be to define what is happening.-
Oh, one fallen sinner is telling another fallen sinner, YOU”RE such a sinner.
Example #2
The verbal attack-“YOU are worthless.”
Your thought response- Oh, one broken piece of humanity is telling another broken piece of humanity, YOU are so broken.
Example #3
The verbal attack-“YOU are such a disappointment.”
Your thought response- Oh, the anger in your soul is inviting the anger in my soul to have an angry party, right now!
Homework
When verbally attacked, pray for wisdom. Think. Run your heart on love. Remember not to judge them either (See Matthew 7:1).
Bible Insights
Love is kind. Love is patient, love is kind… It always protects, trusts and hopes and always perseveres.
Read 1 Corinthians 14:4-7
Prayer
Father, I am such a flawed, broken, sinner. And, yet you chose me. I am so humbled. I will not allow the verbal attacks of others to define me. Only you may define me. Amen