This article is not my story, but reflects the sentiment of a number of men I’ve heard from. Perhaps you can relate.

As long as I can remember I’ve fought one major fear. It’s both haunted and driven me. It’s hard to admit. But today, I’m ready to share my deepest fear. Here goes.

I am desperate to not be rejected.

I have always thought, “Something is wrong with me. And, I am not good enough.” That’s why I’ve experienced so much rejection. Failure and rejection are the major fears in me. Please understand lots of my past immature behaviors have been an attempt to avoid and ignore those fears. I’ve hated believing I was a mistake and a disappointment. Every time I mess up, my body triggers an ugly anxious feeling. It rises up from the deepest part of my soul, and I hate it.

The fear started in adolescence and I’ve carried it into adulthood. I would rather believe a lie that makes me feel better temporarily than face the ugly truth of me being a failure. So when I look lost and glazed over, please don’t ask me. What are you thinking? Most of the time, I’m busy running away from thoughts of disappointment and failure.

Until recently, everything has revolved around my desperate need to not be rejected. I know this is a lot for someone to consider. Things are changing. In a follow up post I will discuss the small bits of freedom I am now experiencing.

Prayer

Father, thank you for the change that is happening inside me. Thank you that I’m no longer feeling hopelessly stuck. Thank you for the new hopeful and restful place that is developing inside me. Amen.

Bible Connection

Love never brings fear, for fear is always related to punishment. But love’s perfection drives the fear of punishment far from our hearts. Whoever walks constantly afraid of punishment has not reached loves perfection. – 1 John 4:18 (Passion)