Sue Johnson, founder of Emotionally Focused Therapy, made this statement. “Far from being unfathomable, love is exquisitely logical and understandable.”

I love that thought. Allow me to expand on it slightly. Emotions are exquisitely logical. Exquisite logic means that your spouse’s behavior makes perfect sense when you view it from her perspective. Here is an example.

Wife- (thinks): I’m really irritated about what happened today. I can’t wait to get home and tell my husband.

Husband-(thinks): Wow. She is really upset. I need to pull back and give her space to cool down.

Wife- (thinks}: He’s cool and indifferent. He must not understand what I’m trying to say. I’m going to say it with more passion and intensity.

Husband- (thinks): My wife seems to be in a lot of pain. I better not say anything because I may make things worse. Does she want me to do something, or is she upset with me?

Wife- (thinks): Why is he not saying anything? Is it because he doesn’t care about me?

What to Do About it

There are two ways to approach emotionally charged relationship moments.

Option #1-React: Emotions are chaotic and irrational. You can’t trust them. They are just verbally messy, chaotic confusion.

Option #2- Use exquisite logic: Think. My wife is using her emotions to flavor a struggle. I want to stay present, show interest and explore the issue with her.

Prayer

Father, please give me wisdom. Help me grow in understanding of emotions. Jesus was wise in emotional moments. Help me be like him. Amen.

Scripture

When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. 1 Corinthians 13:11 (NIV)