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Equipping Christian Men for Richer Relationships

Describing the Problem

An individual once stated. “I carry a lot of pain in my soul.” Being curious, I started asking him questions.

  • Question: What does the statement, “I carry a lot of pain in my soul.” mean?
  • Answer: The pain in my soul includes these things.
    • Difficult emotional moments where I failed and my failure was loudly announced.
    • Negative situations where I was embarrassingly called a “screw up”.
    • Those times in my past where I made a bad choice and it had a terrible outcome.
  • Question: What emotions define the pain in your soul?
  • Answer: Anger, grief, loss, disappointment, and sadness.
  • Question: Does part of the pain in your soul include regret?
  • Answer: Yes, I carry deep regret. I have wasted so much time. I’ve lost time with my wife, my kids, and my own emotional growth.
  • Question: How does the pain cause you to act?
  • Answer: I have three answers.
    • I go numb.
    • I get defensive. Or,
    • I escape into another world for relief.
  • Question: What is the language of the inner pain?
  • Answer: You’re so stupid. You’re not like other guys. You never learn. What’s wrong with you?
  • Question: What do you do when someone triggers your inner pain?
  • Answer: I cause them greater pain in return.
  • Question: What makes feeling the old emotional pain so difficult?
  • Answer: It’s because my own brain works against me. It torments me with thoughts of failure.

To solve a problem you must define it correctly. If you define it correctly you’ve half solved it. This post is not about a solution. It is about accurately describing the problem.

Prayer

Father, I need help with the pain in my soul. I am learning more about the pain today. Can you please give me some new insights and direction? Jesus said if I followed him I would find rest. I am his follower. But, I am not finding much rest in this area. I want to walk in the peace and rest Jesus promises. Can you please help? Amen.

Meditate on this verse.

Jesus said,

“Come to me, all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.”

Matthew 11:28-29 (NIV)

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Posted on

June 19, 2024

by

Stephen Cervantes

  • Man Behind Chain-Link Fence: Photo by Kirk Cameron on Unsplash | Unsplash License

Day 15, Matthew 11:28-29
Doctor Marriage

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Created by Greater Lessons

All content copyright © 2025, Doctor Marriage, inc. unless otherwise specified, or included as fair use. No content on this website is intended to treat or diagnose any mental health issues. The content on this website is intended for educational purposes only.

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