We are made for love and we love being loved. A strongly connected relationship brings great love and comfort.
As babies, we sought out mom. She created the original loving relationship connection. She was happy to see us, played with us, and comforted us. It is believed that this is the relationship template we still use. Are you happy to see me? Do you want to play with me? Can you comfort me?
Sometimes men get confused and think oneness is just a physical act. But the true deeper needs are for connecting, comforting, and closeness.
Attachment theory says connection soothes a person. Disconnection stresses a person.
Think about how many arguments are started with one spouse stating something like, “There is a break in our relationship connection.” or “I perceive a threat to our oneness.” What that spouse is trying to express is, “I am feeling disconnected, distressed, and detached from you. Can you close the gap and comfort me?”
Although it may sound intense, like an argument, it’s more like a warning of danger and disconnection. Bringing comfort and moving towards your spouse is usually the right answer.
Every situation is different. But, these are good, general relationship principles.
Prayer
Father, help me understand my wife’s need for a strong connection. Creating a strong emotional connection is good for her and good for myself. Father, I know you want an intimate relationship with me. I know you wanted my mother to be a role model of your love. And, now you ask me to repeat that pattern of comforting and connecting with my wife. Sacrificing and laying down my emotional life for her is hard. But, that is my design. Help me to follow the example of Jesus. And may you get all the glory and honor. Amen.
Bible meditation
Jesus said this about the people of Jerusalem. Listen as he uses the imagery of a loving, protective Mother.
Jerusalem, Jerusalem! You kill the prophets and stone to death those who are sent to you. Many times I wanted to gather your people as a hen gathers her chicks under her wings, but you did not let me.
Matthew 23:37 NCV