I am an excellent loaner. I excel at being alone. 

Entertaining myself is my specialty. Connecting with others is a struggle. Much of my growing up time was spent alone. We moved a lot. And I was often the new kid. 

I was never the popular kid. No one wanted to come to my house. I had no special talent or skills. I was a plain vanilla average kid.

So, I excelled at being alone. In fact, that is probably one of my superpowers. I am a super loner. Actually, I got a little tired of it and one day I went to the altar and said, “I do.” 

Now my wife wants me to be a super connector. Do you understand that’s the exact opposite of who I am? All my superpowers and strengths live in the world of being disconnected and alone. I’m very weak at connecting. 

God can you help me on this one? Recently, she’s been crying and saying she feels so alone. At first, I took that as a compliment and briefly thought I was a good teacher. Then my wife said, “It’s like you’re here. But you’re not here with me.” I smiled and said “that’s right.” When you’re alone, no one is there for you. 

If I’m honest, deep in my soul I have a heartache. Being alone is not very satisfying. I see couples holding hands, snuggling and giggling, and it does make me smile. I know my wife is right.  

But I’ve never known closeness. It seems like just another opportunity to reject me. 

Prayer

Father you change hearts, minds, and souls. My childhood alone program is not working in adulthood. Can you help? Holy Spirit you are my teacher and counselor. Jesus you are my savior and role model. Please lead me. Please grow me. Amen.

Bible

The Lord God said, “It is not good for man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.  – Genesis 2:18 (NIV) 

And the two shall become one. – Mark 10:8 (NIV)